Atleast I Updated the Pokemon of the Week

Let me preface this post by saying first off, this isn’t an angry post, or an “attention-getter” post, or the result of some epiphany. This is just more of a statement on some of my observations over the past few months regarding communication and the way we as people interact each other. So, here we go.

Basically, as you can see, I haven’t updated this blog in a while, well, in a long time. How come? Well, the short and sweet of it is I haven’t had the need to. I’ve found myself actually out living life lately instead of writing about it. I get the feeling that at the end of the day, I’ve lived that day, and had thoughts during that day, and I’m happy with that. I don’t really feel the need or desire to transfer my thoughts and experiences from my memory to a blog for other people to see.

So, let’s start with these observations I’ve mentioned above. These are observations I’ve noticed about the way we interact with one another. The communication and the relationships between people have changed. So here are my thoughts and observations on tools.

I don’t want this post to start a debate with people asking “well David, why don’t you stop using a phone then”. Be real. I’m not bashing the tools I’m about to mention at all, and yes, you can argue that one is no different than the other, but this is just my opinion and I do have a “line”, but it’s pretty vague and drawn all wavy in the sand…but I can do that if I want to.

I would say the first tool that falls into my wavy category is AOL Instant Messenger, or AIM. Is this still around? I wonder if this is even popular with teens anymore. I would say this is where a lot of this “grey” communication started. I’m using the term grey communication because it’s in-between. Like grey-water is waste water, but not quite sewage. That’s how I think of these tools. AIM seemed to be an outlet for talking to people through a filter. You could say things you’d never dare say to someone’s face, because you weren’t seen or even heard – your words were just read. So, you could smart off to someone and you could hide from someone’s feeling being hurt, or someone being mad, or the consequence of what you said. Dangerous.

Then in college it seemed that AIM melted into Facebook. What in the world was Facebook? Does it even have a definition? Thank God I never got involved in MySpace because that is so horrible I won’t even mention it here. Facebook started out as a communication tool for college students. I liked how you could put up your class schedule and see who was in your class. You could even find out they were from Summerville, SC, had a 2 year old Pomeranian named Jasper, were a Democrat, drove a Toyota Corolla, hated broccoli, went to Egypt last summer, and enjoy mountain biking. But have you ever talked to that person? Have you ever introduced yourself? Do you even know their voice? That’s scary. That’s how I define “grey” communication. You know tons about a person without knowing them.

This becomes especially scary in the workplace. I made the cardinal mistake of “friending” people from work. While I didn’t have any consequence (that I know of) another co-worker did. I’ve learned that there is already a ton of speculation and rumor-starting in the working world (mine at least – is there one out there that doesn’t? I want to work there!) So, Facebook, in my opinion, is just a fuel to this fire of judgments, speculations, and conclusion making. That’s fine for your friends, or people you’re close to, but I personally don’t think it’s a good idea at all to let your professional life into Facebook. I had people at work as me “so you’re not my friend anymore?” after deleting them from my friend’s list. Yes, if you think we’re really not “friends” anymore because of an electronic tool, we’re probably not. I’m here talking to you now, right?

Toward the end of college Facebook blew-up and now anyone can join. I sort of liked the “class” it once had with requiring an .edu e-mail address ending to join. Now you can find your mother’s 56 year old friend on Facebook reporting back that you played beer pong, and she has pictures to prove it (didn’t happen to me, just a for-instance).

Blogs. Here’s one. I actually do enjoy some blogs if they’re done creatively. I think blogs are the most harmless of what I mention here, but they are border-line annoying. There are definitely creative blogs out there, and there are even people who make a living for their entire family by exposing children of their own who can’t even make coherent decisions to the entire world. Can you imagine being 22 years old trying to get a job as a professional accountant and the person interviewing you has seen pictures of you as a toddler and knows the story about how you were potty trained? See www.dooce.com for an example of this. A little bit off subject, but it must be awesome to just advertise from your blog and never work a real job, capitalizing off your children, pets, and your sense of “style” for the world to see. But, there are people out there that fall into it, so who’s smarter? That’s a paradox.

And then there’s this thing called Twitter. As far as I can tell, this is just a glorified away-message tool. I guess it’s important for people to link off other people’s Twitter and involve many in this e-conversation? I’m just not clear on what this is, maybe someone could educate me. I would think if you have a thought that’s important enough to announce, you would tell someone, to their face.

So, some closing notes:
• “Grey” communication can be dangerous – I fear the extreme would be a person secluded in privacy that never speaks to anyone, but knows all about another person from what they see or read.
• Grey communication can cause us to say things we’d not say to someone’s face. We can say over-the-top things, or bashful things, or downright hateful things we’d never dream of doing to someone in person. I think this is scary.
• Grey communication is a socialization killer. What ever happened to just picking up the phone, and giving someone a call and saying hi? If you’re a true friend to someone, I’d think you’d call that person to say “hey, I’m pregnant” or “we’re getting married”. It’s a shame that a tool like Facebook can take all the “awe” out of a moment by mass-announcing it to the world. I know someone who said “well we haven’t announced on Facebook yet we’re engaged – so don’t say anything”. Oh God. Give me a break.
• In the working world where e-mail and forms and rhetoric are rampant, I want to LIVE outside of work. I want to go have dinner with someone, I want to take a walk with them and hear about what they think. I don’t want to sit at the computer for an hour checking everyone’s status to see what’s new in their life.
• Mis-interpretation is hard enough in live communication – so what is it like with grey-communication? Someone’s statement or post can be taken personally and you don’t get the “tone” with these on-line tools. I personally think you find out more about a person by being with them, observing their stature, seeing their face, and listening to their voice, their pitch, their emotion. That’s 99% of the puzzle, the rest are just words to go with it.

I won’t even talk about Blackberrys or PDA’s – they don’t deserve my time.

That was really long, I know, but hopefully it’s clear now. Will I post again? Sure I will, when the moment strikes me. But, this blog is not an obligation of mine, I have enough of those already, and I’d never create another one for myself.

Interesting tidbit. I cleaned my Facebook friends list up. I had 250 friends. Do I have 250 friends? No. Do I know 250 people? Sure. How many friends do I really have? It turns out I took this friend list of 250 down to about 48. That’s more manageable. Do I really need to know a girl from high school who I said maybe 2 words to is having a baby shower next week? No. After cleaning up my friends list I got an e-mail promptly afterwards from a girl I went to high school with that said something like “Did you really de-friend me?” Let’s see, since 2002 I’ve never talked to you in person, or over the phone, or even seen you. So yes, I’d say I “de-friended” you if that’s what it’s called. That doesn’t mean I won’t strike up a conversation with you if I run into you in an airport somewhere though.

So that’s it! If you’re wondering what I’m up to or how I’m doing just give me a call, I’ll be glad to chat .